We are getting close. So very close.
At least it’s what I tell myself each morning when I try to stop myself from refreshing my email inbox every 30 minutes.
It’s the final leg of the adoption journey. Actually it’s more like the last step before our journey really begins. We are currently waiting for our adoption decree, which is when our son will legally become our son. He will have our last name. And in the eyes of the law he will be ours. Unfortunately, there will still be some steps to complete after this decree. A birth certificate to be printed, a Haitian passport printed, a medical appointment at the US Embassy, among other steps. But we are getting there.
And that means I am finally allowing myself to think about bringing our son home. This journey has been 4 years long and my coping strategy has basically been “don’t think about it”. So much has been out of my control. Another country. A different language. A new culture. And so far removed from me here that I have simply let go of the process. But now that we are getting close I’m allowing myself to start thinking beyond our homecoming.
Preparing my heart, mind and emotions are a huge part of the equation. There have been books, conversations and videos. And many more of these are coming over the next few months. But we also need to prepare our home.
Just like bringing a new baby into our home, bringing a 6-year-old boy into our home will require preparation.
We are working on the bedroom that the boys will share. First up was the decluttering. He needs a safe place that will not overwhelm him with too many choices. Then picking out the beds and bedding. It needs to be comfortable but I still want it to remind him of his previous home. And now I am on to redecorating the room.
But preparing our home is so much more than just decorating and rearranging. I am working on preparing the environment our son will need to thrive. Sitting down and thinking through these needs helped me realize that there were changes we could, and should, make to our home. Changes that will not only help our new son thrive, but help the three children already here with us. To help me focus on making these changes I spent some time journaling and answering a few questions.
If you feel like your home is spinning, and not meeting the needs of your whole family, then I would encourage you to take a few minutes to sit down and think through the same questions. I’ll include the questions here, but leave out my answers. Our answers may be different from yours and I don’t want to distract you from honestly answering.
Journal the answer to your question, then consider your response. The response is how you will make sure that you maintain this positive quality in your home, or how you will change something to take away the negative quality. And if you have a spouse or older kids, get them involved in answer the questions!
Questions to help you understand your home’s purpose:
- What is the most important value you want to share with your children, family and/or friends?
- RESPONSE: I can share this value by (doing/having/hanging) __________________ in our home.
- When I enter my home I want to feel _________.
- RESPONSE:______________(colors, objects, pictures, smells, sounds) make me feel this way.
Questions to help you understand what is not working in your home:
- I feel a sense of overwhelm when I walk into ___________ because __________.
- RESPONSE: This can be resolved by ___________________________.
- We often disagree over _________ in our home.
- RESPONSE: This can be resolved by compromising over ___________________________.
- My children/family/I do not cope well when ___________ happens in our house.
- RESPONSE: This can be resolved by ___________________________.
We can’t change everything that isn’t working overnight. So don’t feel overwhelmed. The purpose of the exercise is to open your eyes to what you really want to get from your home.
the purpose of your home.
Maybe you need more of a sense of calm in your home. That might mean changing some of the fabrics or colors.
Perhaps you have a kid who is easily distracted by too many options. This might mean pulling most of the toys, putting them into totes, and then rotating toys every couple of weeks.
Maybe it’s supper time. A cramped and rushed dinnertime may ruin the time you get to spend together. Search for a table that will give you space to spread out. Come up with a list of simple and quick meals everyone enjoys. Now you will be ready with a backup dinner plan, and room to spread out when everyone is eating together.
Really examining our needs has helped me come so far, and equipped me to make better choices with both purchases and routines. I hope that it will help you feel the same sense of direction and encouragement. Remember your home has a bigger purpose. It is made for more than just shelter. And it isn’t just about having the prettiest home on the block. It is there to help you thrive and grow.
Always wishing you the best, xo
P.S. Not sure where to go from here? Email me at hello@homestead128.com and lets chat. I’ll do my best to respond. xo
Marlene Stephenson says
Since we are new to each other, if this up sets you please let me know other wise, i will say a prayer for all to go well. My family is grown and my oldest grandson just started college this last year. I truly think love has to be the center of everything we do. I thought i was going to miss this but it was you not me,thank goodness,lol.
Hanna Robinson says
Becky this so closely echo’s our adoption journey! 4 years long as well! Now in the blink of an eye they have been home 4 years and I already have two teenagers (plus another biological teenager ). May God bless you on this journey to come for it has only just begun!
Becky says
Thank you Hanna. It gives me hope for what is ahead. xo