Over the past year one question I have heard repeatedly is how did we decide to adopt? Or how do we know if adoption is right for their family. I want to do my best to share our journey through deciding to adopt internationally, and I also want to say that each persons journey is, and should be, different. I am very simply sharing our story.
In my mind, from a young age, adoption was always a possibility for my future. It was something I had always considered, and even dreamed of being an adopting mother as a young girl. Adoption is something that has touched my family's life and so it has just always been a part of me, part of my history. When Loren and I married he knew I had talked about adoption, and had a desire. But it was also just a conversation. Never something we had a set plan in place to pursue as a husband and wife.
We were blessed with our spunky daughter a year after we were married. The pregnancy was uneventful, and the labor and delivery wasn't fun, but it was uncomplicated and we were blessed with a healthy child. About a year later we decided we wanted to add another child to our family and so began the journey of "trying to get pregnant". During the 12+ months of trying to conceive we began to bring up the idea of adoption. "What if we can't have any more?" "Are we done?" "Do we adopt?" I can remember crying when another month would go by and we still weren't pregnant. We reached the 12 month mark and set up doctor appointments to discuss infertility and see where to go from here. We also began to do some research into domestic adoption at the same time. And then we discovered we were pregnant. Surprised, we put all of our conversations about adoption on the back burner, and focused on preparing for baby number two. The pregnancy went well again, but the labor and deliver did not go so smoothly. After Kailey was born safely I am pretty sure I muttered something about "never doing that again". And my husband whole heartedly agreed.
I was happy with our two girls, so thankful for happy and healthy kids. But after Kailey's birth my mind continued to go back to adoption. I could feel the desire to adopt growing. My web browser constantly ending up at adoption blogs and adoption agency websites. I started to pray and ask God to make it clear to us. And I also decided that I would not bring it up to my husband. We had briefly discussed it before Kailey, but never acted on it. Loren knew the desire I had. But I knew I could never force my husband into adopting. It is adding another child to our family. If we did not both want to adopt then I feared it would only be disastrous for our family.
Then the Lord began to work. Our passages of scripture seemed to always go back to caring for the widowed and fatherless. We would go to a concert and the focus was sponsoring children and caring for those who cannot care for themselves. And my husband began to bring up the idea of adoption. We bought books about adoption. Books about how it wouldn't be easy, and how to help fund adoption. We started to research costs, timelines, and options.
The one area where we were divided in was where to adopt from. Domestic or international? Private or through foster care? We decided to begin the process of adopting through foster care, my personal choice, and signed up for our first meeting. Iowa requires classes while you work through your home study. We worked our way through the home study, classes and paperwork. And after 6 months we were approved as a foster and adoption family. I could hardly wait. We would look at websites of children from other states who were waiting and make contacts. We would see the children on Iowa's waiting list and contact workers. And we would call our local worker and see what she had to say. And 6 months later we still hadn't heard anything. Not even for caring for kids at a foster level, much less prospects for adoption. At this point we found out we were pregnant with Josiah and put it all on hold again. This pregnancy wasn't as easy and I was on bedrest for part of the time. After he was born we went back on the active list but it was the same story. We were never contacted. Whenever we reached out it we would hear that we had too many kids, or this child needed to be the youngest, or the oldest, or you live too far away from the child's relatives. It was an extremely frustrating experience. But we can look back on it now and see how it was just a period of waiting and growing. A period of training and prepping for what was ahead.
My husband had more of a desire to adopt internationally from the very beginning, but my plan was to adopt domestically and then hopefully adopt a second internationally. {Please note I said "my plan". Yep, bad idea.} During this period of waiting for a domestic adoption I began to learn more about children internationally who were waiting. I had always thought we should care for the children in our own country first. But over time I realized that the children in our country's foster care system have better medical help and education than so many children who live in overcrowded homes with poor funding in other countries. And slowly Loren and I began to discuss international adoption.
After some time, prayer, and talking we were both committed to adopting internationally and we needed to decide what country we would adopt from. We discussed Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, but our family did not meet the countries requirements. Then we received an email from Bethany Services notifying us that Haiti has approved law changes and under new law our family now meets the requirements. We were eligible, Bethany had an opening in their program for us, and we stepped forward and started the adoption process all over again.
I'm writing this from the same desk where I first researched adoption choices for our family, five years ago. And we are no where near the end of the process. We haven't even been matched with our future son or daughter. But he or she is out there. And we are trusting God, who has proven Himself trustworthy, to care for them until the day we bring them home.
So you see, there is no single life altering moment where a flag was raised and we suddenly woke up and decided to adopt. But God worked in our hearts. He worked for days and years. And I don't know where exactly He is taking us. But I can be sure that God is good, all the time. And I will continue to trust in the promises found in Isaiah 58. Then when you call, the Lord will answer. 'Yes, I am here,' He will quickly reply. Isaiah 58:9
The world needs more people willing to step up and care for the orphans. Perhaps it is through helping an orphanage. Or supporting missionaries who help care for the fatherless. Or maybe it is through helping those you know who are adopting. And maybe, just maybe, the Lord wants you to adopt a child. Not because you can rescue the world. But because He has rescued you.
May you know God's peace as you move forward and care for those who cannot care for themselves.
katieonthebanksofsquawcreek says
I have to whisper this, but someday, someday, maybe my husband will come around like yours. Adoption has always been in my heart, too.
Becky says
<3